Malcolm McClaren once said that his goal with the Sex Pistols was to make as much money as possible, in as little time as possible doing as little work as possible.
I disdain reality television shows. Every time I see an ad for another one, I only become more disappointed in society. I suppose that there is some component of the get rich quick doing nothing dream that McClaren suggested mixed in to this, but the things that people will do, eat, or lower themselves to for a fast buck is repulsive. I hate them in as much as they are no more real then the Cosby Show or A-Team (dating myself) were real. So called reality TV is hours of video edited down to 60 minutes designed to best sell ad space. True reality TV would be watching a single mother of 4 try to make rent by working two jobs. It’s real, but it isn’t a real ratings driver.
When I started to hear the limited buzz about American Inventor, I snubbed my nose. It is co-produced by Simon Cowell, so off the bat it’s stock was in the toilet with me. Then Wired ran an interesting article saying it was the geek answer to American Idol. All right, digg it. Maybe this won’t be too bad.
I like the format of the show, and I suspect that it’s more popular, more attractive cousin, American Idol, is designed the same way. I wish that they would ratchet through the inventions at a faster clip, but I suppose that would make bad television. I like seeing the crazy things that people come up with as they are the A. Idol equivalent of the bad singer, bad dancer.
However, this show is a train wreck playing out, in slow motion over the course of 12 or so weeks. Here is why: This show is less about the invention and more about what people have sacrificed for their invention. If you go on the show and tell the judges that you sacrificed a Saturday afternoon on the golf course to invent your doodad, then you are going home, but if you sold your oldest child into the sex trade to pay for a prototype and a patent search, you are going to the next level, baby.
These are not a bunch of Dean Kamen’s, as Wired led me to believe. I realize that seeing the guy that sold his house, lost his marriage, gave up a kidney (seriously) to pursue his life long ambition to market the airless breadbox makes for great television, but come on people. Do your homework before you try to invent something. It isn’t an invention if no one is going to buy it. It is a piece of trash that you assembled that will do something that only you want.
Let me make a simple suggestion. Instead of selling your wife’s wedding ring at the local pawn shop for seed money for your gadget, invest $250 in a website. Something good, not GeoCities or Google Pages. I mean go all out and hire the smart kid from the local computer club to design it and everything. Sign up for a store front. Go crazy. While you are at it, instead of losing your house for your invention, go to Yahoo and Google and bid on some key words about your invention. It won’t cost you anything unless someone actually clicks thru to see your crazy ass widget. Wow, now you are $250 in the hole and you haven’t even built a prototype yet. You have a presence and an audience of billions. You’re also still married and have all of your organs. The sun is shining on you.
Now, if you really believe in your invention and you think that it is going to be the best thing since canned beer, then go wild: Spend $5,000 on some banner ads in Yahoo Mail (cheap plug) or another ad management network. Not a ton of ads mind you, just enough to get a consensus. Pick a geographic region (preferably one near you, people want to buy local) and see how many people click thru to your website to see this crazy thing of yours. Design your website to take pre-orders of your disposable widget. Tell people that it is patent pending (#5,855,021) and made of industrial strength, space-age polymer and that you won’t bill their credit card until the product ships. Explain that it is in pre-launch phase, but you want the person on your website right now to take advantage of a pre-order special and they can get your widget delivered to their home when it becomes available for half the suggested retail price!
Do that for a month or so and see how many orders you have. If you have a ton, then start making calls to China for manufacturing. If you have a handful of orders, weigh what it would cost to begin development and ship these orders. You haven’t charged a credit card yet, you can always claim that there were problems with manufacturing and that you will keep your valued clients abreast of any changes. If you have no orders, lets review what you’ve done: invested all of $5,250 to see your dream take off. Most importantly, you’ve also learned more about launching and marketing a product then the people on American Inventor could ever teach you.
The best thing that I ever learned from Philippe Kahn was to create the marketing material first and see who calls you. If you no one calls, you are out a very minimal investment. If everyone calls you, then they know that you are on to something.
To paraphrase Seth Godin, Inventing something cool that no one wants, is just a waste. Inventing something that no one wants and losing everything that should be important to you, is just very, very sad.
Finally, back to the train wreck. The thing that concerns me most about this show is imagining what these people are giving up to be the ‘American Inventor’. This is a case where coming in second may be a better option then winning. At the end of the season, some not so lucky person is going to be chosen as the American Inventor. Whoo hoo!!! They are going to be given $1 million dollars to market their dream and in doing so will be giving up some wild percentage of the rights that they have to this product in a way that would make Sand Hill Road green with envy. They have sacrificed so much, what is another 10 points of ownership. If you win on A. Idol, Simon Cowell owns your soul for a handful of records. Luckily, if you have any talent and brains at all, you will figure this out, put out your records and move on. You still have a singing career at the ripe old age of 27 and you can put out a few more adult contemporary records. If you win on A. Inventor, Simon Cowell also owns your soul, but how many more hot, sellable products are you going to come up with? I’m not a betting man, but I’ll take the under on that one.
Everyone wants to get as rich as possible, as quick as possible doing as little work as possible. Very few do.
